I am alive. Hopefully, I will be able to talk soon about why I've been absent.

Stolen From imwonderwoman

The Rule is that you take the best picture you like from the first page of Google Images results. 

1. The city and state of the town you grew up, no quotation marks.



2. The town where you currently reside.



3. Your name, first and last, but again, no quotes.



4. Your grandmother's name.

"Your search - xxxxx xxxxxxx - did not match any documents."

5. Your favorite food.



6. Your favorite drink.



7. Your favorite smell.

I am never writing about how happy I am ever again. I'm not even going to breathe a word of it. I jinx myself every time! - I’m happy. I wait for the other shoe to drop. It doesn't. I get Super Excited and tell someone. The next day I can't breathe because of the pain in my chest from anxiety and sadness. UGH!

I dreamt about my Grandfather. He looked wonderful and warm. I ran into his arms. He held me close and whispered in my ear, “Things change. (long pause) Everything will be ok.”

Every time he comes to me in a dream he tells me everything will be ok. Afterwards, I cannot stop crying. It takes a real emotional toll. I don’t know if it is a blessing or curse that he comes to me. I get to see him, hug him, and smell him, but only for a moment. Then there is nothing – just lingering sadness. At least I know he is ok.

I told Mom about the dream. She thought it was nice and asked how he looked. I told her. I never tell her about the sadness that comes afterwards. I don’t tell anyone. Mom can’t handle it when I am sad, hurt, sick or in a bind. She doesn’t want me to suffer. I believe part of the reasons these dreams are so hard on me is because I never properly grieved after his death. I felt I had to be strong for Mom and my grandma. I didn’t want them to see what a hysterical mess I was inside.

Although I think G might understand now since he lost his grandparents this summer, he would not give me the response and reassurance I need. It would be a waste to discuss this with G. I would only be left angry and empty.

What shook me the most is what my Grandfather said. Why is he telling me this now?!? I thought things were going well. Why Now?

This week was the anniversary of a time G hurt me. It’s been three years and I still bothers me. Everything would be fine if I could just let it go. Every time I think about it I get sick. I question myself. I question him. I get pissed about how I handled it. IT IS IN THE PAST! It should stay there! I wish I could just erase it from my memory. Is this what my Grandfather was referring to in my dream? I might not have remembered it this year if I hadn’t had to write the date.

They say time heals all wounds. I guess that is not working for me.

It has just been the best. I have been in such a good mood lately. G and I went on vacation to be beach. It was so nice just to get away for a few days. I was so anxious about returning to work. I just did not want to go. However, when I got there everything was fine and the anxiety just melted away. I actually was told I had an interview that week for a position I had applied for. I didn't get it, but it opened up a couple doors for me. I am very excited about my prospects - even more so than the job for which I interviewed. I'm being very optimistic. Good thoughts/vibes/pixie dust are appreciated.

I'm finally off BC. I have been on some form of BC for over a decade and I was suffering from some nasty side effects. I was very weary of stopping BC even though G had a V in January. I didn't want to relinquish that control. I still don't 100% like it. When we get more money and better insurance I will get a tubal. I already feel better physically though. No migraines, sickness, numbness, pain, etc. Emotionally I feel a lot better too. I guess we'll just see how it goes.

We've been to two concerts - Tori Amos & Jack Johnson. They were both fabulous!! This is the 6th time I've seen Tori Amos and it was absolutely the best show yet! So full of emotion and strength - The mood, the song choice, the delivery - I was just amazing. We were front row for Jack Johnson. His music is so genuine and soulful. We had never seen him live and it was a real treat. I could have listened to him all night. We got some pretty nice photos too. I hope I can find some tracks from the show online

We've been working on the house a lot. It is almost finished. The furniture is moved which was my biggest concern. Of course we had to rearrange the heaviest pieces in our collection. Fortunately, we have awesome friends that have furniture dolleys and know how to take things apart when they don't fit through the GD door! Now it is down to reorganizing small stuff and waiting. Waiting on two cube tables and a DVD case to arrive and waiting on money that was promised us in early August (but that is a Whole 'nother post that probably should not be on LJ).

Here is our new addition.  We picked her up a little over a week ago on the 10th.

It is an awesome ride.  I can't wait to go to the beach next week.  I love going on roadtrips with G and taking the MINI is just an added bonus.  The first order of business is tint (getting today) and new rims. 

G closed on his parents house on Wednesday.  Got a nice commission check just in time for our vacation! Yeah!  I can't wait to get out of here!!  We haven't had a whole week vacation in almost 3 years.  We leave for the beach on Tuesday. 

Tonight we are going to our friends' house for a dinner party. I'm really looking forward to it.  The whole gang hasn't been together in a long while.  I'm in charge of bread and liquor.  I can so handle that!! No one wants me cooking! :P  Plus, I get to check out my friend's 'new'  '72 Stingray!!! *DIES* 

We have to go to a funeral out of town tomorrow. Ugh. :'(        At least G gets out of work and we can check out furniture while we are in the area.

"Many letters have been sent to the Valley News concerning the homosexual menace in Vermont. I am the mother of a gay son and I've taken enough from you good people. I'm tired of your foolish rhetoric about the "homosexual agenda" and your allegations that accepting homosexuality is the same thing as advocating sex with children. You are cruel and ignorant. You have been robbing me of the joys of motherhood ever since my children were tiny.

My firstborn son started suffering at the hands of the moral little thugs from your moral, upright families from the time he was in the first grade. He was physically and verbally abused from first grade straight through high school because he was perceived to be gay.

He never professed to be gay or had any association with anything gay, but he had the misfortune not to walk or have gestures like the other boys. He was called "fag" incessantly, starting when he was 6.

In high school, while your children were doing what kids that age should be
doing, mine labored over a suicide note, drafting and redrafting it to be sure his family knew how much he loved them. My sobbing 17-year-old tore the heart out of me as he choked out that he just couldn't bear to continue living any longer, that he didn't want to be gay and that he couldn't face a life without dignity.

You have the audacity to talk about protecting families and children from the homosexual menace, while you yourselves tear apart families and drive children to despair. I don't know why my son is gay, but I do know that God didn't put him, and millions like him, on this Earth to give you someone to abuse. God gave you brains so that you could think, and it's about time you started doing that.

At the core of all your misguided beliefs is the belief that this could never happen to you, that there is some kind of subculture out there that people have chosen to join. The fact is that if it can happen to my family, it can happen to yours, and you won't get to choose. Whether it is genetic or whether something occurs during a critical time of fetal development, I don't know. I can only tell you with an absolute certainty that it is inborn.

If you want to tout your own morality, you'd best come up with something more substantive than your heterosexuality. You did nothing to earn it; it was given to you. If you disagree, I would be interested in hearing your story, because my own heterosexuality was a blessing I received with no effort whatsoever on my part. It is so woven into the very soul of me that nothing could ever change it. For those of you who reduce sexual orientation to a simple choice, a character issue, a bad habit or something that can be changed by a 10-step program, I'm puzzled. Are you saying that your own sexual orientation is nothing more than something you have chosen, that you could change it at will? If that's not the case, then why would you suggest that someone else can?

A popular theme in your letters is that Vermont has been infiltrated by outsiders. Both sides of my family have lived in Vermont for generations. I am heart and soul a Vermonter, so I'll thank you to stop saying that you are speaking for "true Vermonters."

You invoke the memory of the brave people who have fought on the battlefield for this great country, saying that they didn't give their lives so that the "homosexual agenda" could tear down the principles they died defending. My 83-year-old father fought in some of the most horrific battles of World War II, was wounded and awarded the Purple Heart.

He shakes his head in sadness at the life his grandson has had to live. He says he fought alongside homosexuals in those battles, that they did their part and bothered no one. One of his best friends in the service was gay, and he never knew it until the end, and when he did find out, it mattered not at all. That wasn't the measure of the man.

You religious folk just can't bear the thought that as my son emerges from the hell that was his childhood he might like to find a lifelong companion and have a measure of happiness. It offends your sensibilities that he should request the right to visit that companion in the hospital, to make medical decisions for him or to benefit from tax laws governing inheritance.

How dare he? you say. These outrageous requests would threaten the very existence of your family, would undermine the sanctity of marriage. You use religion to abdicate your responsibility to be thinking human beings. There are vast numbers of religious people who find your attitudes repugnant. God is not for the privileged majority, and God knows my son has committed no sin.

The deep-thinking author of a letter to the April 12 Valley News who lectures about homosexual sin and tells us about "those of us who have been blessed with the benefits of a religious upbringing" asks: "What ever happened to the idea of striving . . . to be better human beings than we are?"

Indeed, sir, what ever happened to that?"


__________________________________________

If you believe that homosexuals deserve the same rights as everyone else, repost this, and be thankful that there are people like this mother, because without them, where would we be?

I'm So EXCITED!! We went to the bank to get the check for the MINI. So, we are all set when it's ready next week!! I also just made reservations to go to the beach the week of the 21st! This is the first week-long vacation we have had since the honeymoon. That was almost 3 years ago! This weekend we are going shopping for furniture and other fun stuff for our home improvement projects. Life is really good right now. *sigh*

G and I have decided to pretty much completely rearrange our house. We are going to turn the basement into a wine cellar. That is going to require a fair amount of work on our end as well as calling on an electrician. We currently use it as our entertainment/gaming room. Since we rarely use our living/dining room, we are going to move all that furniture downstairs, redo the ceiling, and add a bar and wine racks. It's going to be sweet. I can't wait to get started.

This project is causing us to rework every one of our rooms. I think the only rooms we aren’t touching are our bedroom and the kitchen. It is almost like we are moving again. I’m enjoying it though - Trying to figure out where all the pieces go in the puzzle. The hardest part is figuring out a budget. I want to be thrifty, but I get caught up in the excitement and wanting it to turn out a certain way and sometimes I pay too much. I planning this time so hopefully that won’t happen…too often.

Fortunately, G is in the right business and knows a great electrician (and handyman, incase we run into a snag). I also want to remodel the bathrooms. I am in such a home improvement mode!! At least it will keep me away from the news! HA!

The MINI should be here soon. We have been given an EDD of 8/9! We should have it next week!!!

Everyday I have thought about writing. So much has been going on, but I couldn't find the energy. Mostly it is because I've been so distraught with the onslaught of awful new stories. I know the news is always bad, but lately it has really bothered me.

**Our reproductive rights are about to go out the window - I can't buy GTA:SA at Target anymore - Meth orphans - The War is never going to end -NO! I'm NOT going to sign a petition to ban gay marriage - & So forth.**

I could rant about so much crap in the world, but every time I start I get this awful feeling in the pit of my stomach. No one is listening. Why bother. People don't change. They are Puppets, Sheeple. I so need to get out of this mind frame. I just get fed up sometimes and need to recharge.

It is awaiting transport!!!

If everything stays on schedule we'll be driving it by August 12th! WOOHOO!!

What a weekend. Friday, I come home and I immediately start cleaning up the kitchen. My parents are coming over to take us out to dinner and I want the house somewhat clean. Since Mom invited us while I was at work that gives me about 15 minutes to get the house in order. Oh well, but I tried. I greet G and tell him why I'm cleaning and not smooching. He just stands there patiently. I look at him and ask whats going on. He smiles all big and said he sold his first house today. We jump, hug, kiss and scream. He told me how it all happened and he was so proud of himself. He got a really good deal for his parents. All that's left is the inspections then they can close. I'm so excited for him! He said he's never doing it again though. I doubt he ever will either except for family. He would never be happy being a realtor. It is not in his personality. He only got his license to placate his boss plus she pays to keep it active. So, we ended up taking my parents to a nice restaurant to celebrate!

Saturday was G's mom's birthday. G's dad didn't tell her that the sellers had accepted their offer until Saturday as a surprise for her birthday! AWWW! She's is excited, happy, and overwhelmed. They haven't moved in 17 years. So, they have a lot of crap to move not to mention a house to sell.

Sunday we went to see Batman Returns. I liked it. I hope they do another one with Christian Bale. Sunday was G's Grandmother's birthday we went to her favorite restaurant with his family in honor of her. We had a great time reminiscing. I hope we always do something like that for his grandparents. I would prefer to honor their birth than their death.

It has been such a crazy time lately.  We are dealing with estate stuff.  I'm trying to worm my way into a new position at work. The in laws are house hunting and have asked G to be their agent.  I'm excited. It's nice to have full schedule. It diverts my attention away from stuff I don't need to dwell on. 

The house hunting has taken up most of our time. G's parents are great and they have always treated me like part of the family. However,  they have been asking my opinion on EVERYTHING lately and it has taken me aback.  It makes me all smilely inside that they care about my opinion and want my input.  Like with the house - it is not like I am going to be living there.  What I think about the place shouldn't really matter.  Yesterday they scheduled a second walk through so I could be there.  Then we went back to their house and dived into the awful legal documents (there is a home owners association - BLECH!).  It looks like they are going to put an offer in next week.  The house is gargantuan.  I have never lived in a house that large.  It has 5 bedroom, 3.5 baths, LR, DR, den and bonus room.  I'm not sure why they need a house that big, but if that is what they want - Jam On It!  I'm looking forward to G's commission. (That was tacky, but it's the truth!) 

The estate stuff is going pretty smoothly so far.  No cat fights.  I hope the family can remain civil.  We haven't started divvying up physical property too much yet though. So greed still has time to show it's nasty face.  My father-in-law wants to come up with a system for deciding on who gets what. I think it is a good idea. 

Hmm...What else is going on..?  OH! The job stuff.  Well, I'm not going to go too deep into that.  It's too long and involved and I could spew for days.  Basicially, someone in my group is retiring which is causing a chain reaction.  Positions are shifting and hopefully I will be moved into a more demanding, higher paying, more stable role. 

 

I just can't believe it.  G's Grandfather dies on May 30th --  26 days later his Grandmother dies. I just can't believe it.  The pain is unbearable.  To lose two people that are so close to you - that have been there for you all your life in less than a month is unimaginable.  My heart hurts not just for the loss of friends, but for the pain that G is going through.  I just want to make it better and I can't.  I see it in his face and when we talk, but he won't discuss it too much in detail.  He is like me in that I have to process stuff for a long time before I'll deal.  I am just grateful that they were a part of my life for the past 11 years.

Emotions run from disbelief to sadness to anger in rapid intervals.  To lose one was heartbreaking, but to lose BOTH in less than a month!  There was not time to mourn and deal with the first death before it began again!  The whole time we were at the hospital with Grandmother everyone was saying "I CANNOT Believe This Shit!"  It was just too soon for it to all be happening again...

When Grandfather died it was expected - it was almost a relief.  He was finally free of pain, free of needles.  Grandmother was an absolute shock.  She had broken her hip on May 6th and had to go live at a rehab center until she was mobile again.  The doctor had given her the ok to go home the day before she went to the emergency room.  He even said she could start driving again!  She went to the ER on a Wednesday and then died that Saturday morning shortly after midnight. G and I were there along with G's parents and sister.  I am very happy we were there with her. She hated to be alone and we got to tell her we loved her one more time. 

[I won't go into details about what happen to cause her death, but I will say that I believe the rehab center is at fault and that I hope the family (at the very least) files a complaint and sues.]

I know that it is often true that when one spouse dies the other will soon follow, but Grandmother wasn't planning on leaving so soon.  If she had not gotten sick she would have been with us at least another year if not ten. She was making too many plans to be on the brink of giving up.  I didn't see the fight die until she was laying in that hospital bed.  She was a strong woman and she will be missed.

 

There has been a pregnancy outbreak on a pet board I frequent. I honestly believe that one of the members got knocked up just so she could be part of the "Look At ME!! I'm PREGNANT" crowd.  :puke:  One of the inflicted has a ticker with a developing fetus.  As time goes by the fetus in the appropriate growth stage is highlighted.  It is gagomatic!  NEWSFLASH: No One Cares! It is a Freakin' PET Site!

( Fetus Ticker )

AND WHY IS THERE A SCREECHING INFANT IN THE OFFICE!?!